I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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