Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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