I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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