the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
