Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
bring money and cleavage
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
