This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Randomize
