I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
