I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
