i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
