She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dignity is for republicans.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
