The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
