So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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