Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
