i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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