Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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