You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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