I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
