Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I pour the whiskey from now on
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
