Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
