I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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