i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
