but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
