i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
