UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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