I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
