If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
