the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
