It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
