Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What a dumb baby whore.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
