its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
