Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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