My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
