Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dicks are not precious.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
