Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
