you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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