Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
