you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
