I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
