I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So much rum. So many feels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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