You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
