I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Two words: blizzard sex
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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