it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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