Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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