So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if only i could text you this smell
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
