Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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