So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
