I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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