bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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