You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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