How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
