so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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