ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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