You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
