Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
